Days like today

Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

Hello Ladies, friends.

I do not have a whole lot of fluffy things to talk about for this post. So I am just going to let all out. Bare with me and do your best not to judge me:)

First let me start by saying that I love my family. I love my parents. I completely understand why God chose them for me and me for them.

With that being said, lets just say that we have some baggage. Who doesn't, really. We all do to some degree. Most of us have a time in our lives that we think back on as the "messy years". Unfortunately, my parents "messy years" happened to coincide with my childhood....all of it. They have since moved on to brighter days. And we are all happier for it. My life back then was filled with arguing and insecurity. I am a strong person and I am willing to stand up for myself. I do not usually back down from confrontation. But when confrontation gets tense or ugly I get a knot in my stomach and I feel like I am 9 years old again. Its a terrible feeling. When I was a kid I could not wait to grow up and not feel that knot.

Here I am at 31 years old. God has faithfully and wonderfully crafted my marriage and life in such a beautiful way. It is so rare that I ever feel the "knot". My husband and I do not fight. We might disagree here and there, but it rarely ever gets to a fight. My kids stress me out just like most kids do. But I never get the knot from them.

Yesterday, I got the knot. Things have been happening around here that finally came to a head yesterday. The confrontation came from the outside and from a person that I love dearly. I do claim some responsibility for the knot. You know in the heat of the moment you say things that you do not mean. I did that.

As I tucked my babies into bed last night I was feeling so heavy. As I was looking at them I did not feel like their mom. I felt like a 9 year old little girl. I was downright sad. It sounds silly maybe, but I could not wait to get into my bed with some hot tea and pray to God. I needed forgiveness, reassurance that things would be ok and love. Big love. So, that is what I did. I crawled into my big girl bed with my little girl prayers. These prayers felt so familiar to me.

I am clearly not 9 anymore. God has grown me into a mother and a wife. I am not the same as I was back then. Isn't interesting how familiar circumstances will catapult you right back into a certain place and time?

This morning when I woke up I felt lighter. I felt the sun on my face through my bedroom window. Yesterday seemed so cold to me. Outside the weather was nice but it had a nip in the air. Today, however was Gods gift to me:) It was a cool and sunny 82 degrees. No wind. Nothing but happiness and sun. When I woke up this morning I knew that God had answered my prayers for forgiveness, clarity and security.  Things that were messy yesterday were easily reconciled in the light of this beautiful spring day in January.

I guess what I am getting at is this: Love each other. Trust God. And grow up! Be who God has created you to be all of the time. I never want to feel 9 again! No matter what the circumstance is.

Thank you for reading and loving me anyway!

Randi

Just a Mom

'And Adam called his wifes name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.'

Genesis 3:20

Hello girls! I am back after my extended hiatus. 

When I was thinking of what the Lord would have for me to share with you, my mind was clouded with other thoughts. Thoughts of being busy. Thoughts of feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated. Thoughts of inadequacy. 

And then it hit me. 

God wants me to share these thoughts with you! Yes, you.

 If you are not in my boat, you have been in my boat or you are going to be in my boat.

 These feelings are not popular to talk about among our friends at church or home school group. We might talk about them with a dear friend. But never openly in a group of ladies. No way! We dress our best and make darn sure the kids are clean. We threaten them within an inch of their lives to not get dirty before we get to where ever it is we are going. Then we threaten them some more to behave in public. I don't know about you but I usually feel like I am skidding in at the last second for everything. Why??

Let me tell you why. I feel that if someone sees that I don't have it all together that they might think that I'm not a great mom. They might think that I am a slacker. They might have thoughts that I can't even think of...but I'm sure they're terrible. 

Here is the secret to all of this stress. GOD!

God is the secret sauce. I know God is with me all day and all night. He knows what I am going through or dealing with. He knows that I sometimes raise my voice to my sweet little kids. He knows that I sometimes take an extra long shower so I can have just a few more minutes in silence. He knows this, girls! He also knows that my desire to be a wonderful mom is not my only desire. I want to create beauty, I want to be productive aside from my family responsibilities. I have knowledge and experience that I want to share. Does that make me less of a mom? God knows all of these desires and doubts. He does. 

In my quest to form a well rounded post on the matter I consulted the Merriam Webster Dictionary on the matter. The definition of Mother is as follows:

                                         noun; 1. a female parent 2. a woman of authority

                                              verb; to care or protect someone.

According to Merriam Webster I am a mother. I am a female parent and I do wield some authority in my home...sometimes:) I also care and protect my little people from potential dangers such as rogue chickens and neighbor dogs. So, as far as the world is concerned I am an efficient mother. 

What does Gods word have to say about the matter of my being a mother?

Genesis 3:20 

And Adam called his wifes name Eve because she was the mother of all living. 

Wow! How do you like that for pressure! 

God thought enough of my ability as a woman to be called mother. To be tasked with raising two little beings that would one day follow the Lord and be productive in His sight. 

I guess it is time to get to my point. As mothers we naturally stress out about our abilities. We are certain that every other mother has it more together than we do. We just know that we are messing our kids up in some way. Guess what! Those thoughts are  Satans plan...not Gods plan. Instead of looking at my life and abilities and picking them apart I need to look to what God has to say about it all. I need to turn to Him for council. Let us not forget about those desires that tug at us to create and share and grow. God gave us those desires. If He places a path in your life that allows for those things then you need to do them! Instead of looking around I clearly need to look straight up to Him. 

Girls, remember this. We are all in the same boat. We are all human. We have nothing to prove other than who can love the biggest and walk in the Lord. If you are a young mother I encourage you to nurture your prayer life. Reading your Bible daily is essential as well. I am a young mother. I am exhausted most days. I fall asleep reading. I fall asleep praying. I fall asleep when I sit still for more than 10 minutes. God knows my heart. He knows where we are in our walk with each other. This time in life is a short season. Don't worry so much and just love on your babies. Kiss them, hug them and play a little longer.  

Thank you for reading and hugs to my fellow Moms!

Randi