Days like today

Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

Hello Ladies, friends.

I do not have a whole lot of fluffy things to talk about for this post. So I am just going to let all out. Bare with me and do your best not to judge me:)

First let me start by saying that I love my family. I love my parents. I completely understand why God chose them for me and me for them.

With that being said, lets just say that we have some baggage. Who doesn't, really. We all do to some degree. Most of us have a time in our lives that we think back on as the "messy years". Unfortunately, my parents "messy years" happened to coincide with my childhood....all of it. They have since moved on to brighter days. And we are all happier for it. My life back then was filled with arguing and insecurity. I am a strong person and I am willing to stand up for myself. I do not usually back down from confrontation. But when confrontation gets tense or ugly I get a knot in my stomach and I feel like I am 9 years old again. Its a terrible feeling. When I was a kid I could not wait to grow up and not feel that knot.

Here I am at 31 years old. God has faithfully and wonderfully crafted my marriage and life in such a beautiful way. It is so rare that I ever feel the "knot". My husband and I do not fight. We might disagree here and there, but it rarely ever gets to a fight. My kids stress me out just like most kids do. But I never get the knot from them.

Yesterday, I got the knot. Things have been happening around here that finally came to a head yesterday. The confrontation came from the outside and from a person that I love dearly. I do claim some responsibility for the knot. You know in the heat of the moment you say things that you do not mean. I did that.

As I tucked my babies into bed last night I was feeling so heavy. As I was looking at them I did not feel like their mom. I felt like a 9 year old little girl. I was downright sad. It sounds silly maybe, but I could not wait to get into my bed with some hot tea and pray to God. I needed forgiveness, reassurance that things would be ok and love. Big love. So, that is what I did. I crawled into my big girl bed with my little girl prayers. These prayers felt so familiar to me.

I am clearly not 9 anymore. God has grown me into a mother and a wife. I am not the same as I was back then. Isn't interesting how familiar circumstances will catapult you right back into a certain place and time?

This morning when I woke up I felt lighter. I felt the sun on my face through my bedroom window. Yesterday seemed so cold to me. Outside the weather was nice but it had a nip in the air. Today, however was Gods gift to me:) It was a cool and sunny 82 degrees. No wind. Nothing but happiness and sun. When I woke up this morning I knew that God had answered my prayers for forgiveness, clarity and security.  Things that were messy yesterday were easily reconciled in the light of this beautiful spring day in January.

I guess what I am getting at is this: Love each other. Trust God. And grow up! Be who God has created you to be all of the time. I never want to feel 9 again! No matter what the circumstance is.

Thank you for reading and loving me anyway!

Randi